I've been having one of those days. You know the ones -- where everything seems to be conspiring against you. Although today things seem to be conspiring against people AROUND me. This morning Woody and Bugsy (my partner and her twin sister) were in an auto accident. Neither was hurt, but the car was totalled. A very big bummer since Bugsy ran a red light (so it's her fault) and our pockets are thread-bare these days. Then there were various minor inconveniences through out the day that aren't memorable enough to repeat. The thing is -- it's one of those days when I revisit humorous emails to cheer myself up.

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for moretransfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.------------The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door
entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours